DINGERS FROM THE 6IX
by Quinn Sweetzir
The Bandwagon Fan
Do you know who Casey Janssen is? What about Jesse Litsch or Marco Scutaro? If you don’t, there’s a very strong chance you are a bandwagon Jays fan whether you want to admit it or not. Although associations with the word “banwagoner” are usually negative, longtime fans will appreciate you hoping aboard, buying tickets and merchandise, and helping to improve the general popularity of the team. We need you if we ever want Rogers to spend money to make the club better in the future. (I do realize that the team's 29-32 record means the bandwagon fans aren’t the ones reading this).
The Ryan Goins Sympathizers
If you fearlessly defend Ryan Goins and don’t ever consider the importance of his actual skill on the field, you are probably a Ryan Goins sympathizer. You love Goins for a variety of reasons, whether it’s his good looks, your belief that his defence is good (I maintain it isn’t, and am supported by a -5 DRS), or his occasional hot offensive streak. Regardless of the details, your unwavering support for a career .222 hitter is both admirable and unexpected, even if I think you guys are completely wrong, and hope you accept his lack of ability sooner or later.
The Way Too Serious (And Pessimistic) Fan
Why all know one of these fans, they’re the one who wants trade Jose Bautista because he went 0 for 3 with a walk, but adores a scoreless yet stressful inning from Jason Grilli. In addition to this, you will often find the way to serious fan cusses at the ballpark whenever something goes wrong, and will often find any excuse he can to disregard any skills a player has as the result of a single bad game. Overall, the way too serious fan is the one you hate to be around, cause they’re constant negativity is both an annoyance and displeasure to everyone around him.
The Guy Who Saw the Aaron Sanchez WestJet Commercials
This person knows nothing about baseball, but saw a cute commercial where Aaron Sanchez had a puppy, and another one where he works at a hot dog stand and therefore thinks he's a god. It’s likely that these fans don’t realize that Sanchez’s blister injury was caused by these commercials, and it remains to be seen what will happen if he suddenly begins to struggle.
The Emotional Fan
If your emotional state relies on whether or not the Blue Jays won on any given gameday, you’re most definitely the emotional fan. Non baseball fans will judge you for your inconsistent actions, but you will support and love the team nonetheless. In addition, you most likely become frighteningly overjoyed after a winning streak, and depressingly miserable of a losing streak.
The Fantasy Baseball Fan
If you claim to be a Jays fan, but secretly cheer for the opposing team in order to help win in fantasy, you definitely follow into this category. The person who states that he hopes we will win, but wouldn’t be bothered if Aaron Judge hammers a couple home runs are among the worst fans ever in my opinion. The waiving of support is a nuisance to the true fans, who just want their team to destroy everyone regardless of their fantasy implications. (If you want to avoid this AND play fantasy, make sure to draft lots of Jays to make this point invalid).
If you don’t know if you’re a collector, first ask yourself the following questions. First, do you own a Blue Jays bobblehead from before the Price/Tulo trades? Second, have you been to a game where there wasn’t a free giveaway this season? Finally, how many pieces of old Jays memorabilia do you own? If your answers are yes, no, and too many to count, you are certainly the collector, who is probably more concerned with the amount of cheap stuff they own than the quality of Blue Jays gear which they posses.
If you’re the person with a Blue Jays blog, or are any sort of unpaid Blue Jays writer in general, you certainly qualify for this part of the fanbase. Considering your tendency to write, you are certainly a dedicated fan, but you also represent a small fraction of fans who are looking to help provide input to the club with the hopes they might listen, knowing full well they won’t.
The Fan Wearing a Brett Lawrie Jersey
You could instead call this person the cheap fan, but the fan wearing the Brett Lawrie jersey is way more specific. They bought the jersey with the hopes that he would remain a star on the club for years, only to be disappointed when he struggled with consistency and general performance. Now, they’re too scared buy another jersey and will chose to avoid buying a jersey for the foreseeable future. It could be worse however, you could be the proud owner of a Munenori Kawasaki jersey.
The Drunk Asshole
Have you ever thrown a beer can at Hyun Soo Kim? What about streaking on the Rogers Center field? Maybe you were even among the idiots chucking garbage on the field during the 2015 ALDS. If you’re guilty of any of these, you are definitely belong on the drunk asshole portion of this list, an exclusive club for only the stupidest and most moronic of a large community of Blue Jays fans.
The Wave Starter
If you want to guarantee getting blackballed by the entirety of Blue Jays twitter, there is no easier way for this to be accomplished by starting the wave during a Jays game. The wave starter can be a hero for the aforementioned bandwagon fan or drunk asshole, but for the rest of us, the wave is simply a nuisance, which annoys anyone trying to enjoy the game. #BanTheWave is the most underused hashtag of all time by the way.
Interested in discovering whether you’re a Zaunist or not. Ask yourself whether or not you like the way Marcus Stroman plays baseball. If you don’t, first take a look at this article which Stroman himself retweeted. After that, get off of Instagram and learn how baseball actually works so you can stop thinking that Zaun would make a good major league manager, let alone a average analyst. Lastly, chose a different team to cheer for, perhaps a team like the Texas Rangers, whose history of mediocrity reflects well with Zaun’s career.
If you own the jerseys of more than 3 current Jays players, and suffer from severe emotional trauma whenever you have to miss a game, you are most definitely a Toronto Blue Jays superfan. This fan owns season tickets (if he lives in the GTA), travels to watch road games, and interacts with other fans and the club by any means possible. Regardless of the final result of the team's actions, the superfan will always be respected by the entirety of the Jays community.
The Know It All
Did you know that Jose Bautista 284 home runs as a Blue Jay? What about the fact that Roy Halladay had 1562 strikeouts in his Jays career? If you did know this, you have the right to call yourself a Blue Jays know it all, who is aware of everything past and present with regards to this ballclub. I do have some bad news if you did know the above statements; they’re wrong, and if you thought they were right you are not allowed to call yourself a Blue Jays know it all. Bautista has 276 home runs as a Jay, and Halladay has just 1495 strikeouts.
The Stupid Know It All
In many circumstances, this is the fan who watched “Moneyball” a couple times and not thinks they’re a baseball analytics god, who can unquestionable state the effectiveness of a player based entirely on that player's OBP. If you are this fan, you probably think that the entire skill of a player is based off of now basic statistics you learned from said movie, set in 2002. Or perhaps you are still living in 1993 and think that batting average is the above all stat in terms of batting performance. Regardless, your oversight towards more modern stats is appalling and the unwillingness to accept that you lack real baseball knowledge is concerning to the rest of the fanbase.
The Small Ballers
Want to see Jose Bautista be replaced with a speedy contact hitter like Ben Revere? Think Kendrys Morales should try stealing a base? Or maybe you think Josh Donaldson should bunt down a run with a guy on first. If that’s the case, and perhaps you need to both follow Keith Law on twitter, and afterwards do some research on the potential risk/reward of bunting. Anyway if you do think more small ball is the way to go, I would advise against both rooting for the Jays big sluggers, and following me on twitter.
The Leafs Fan
Have you ever found yourself yelling at Latin American Jays in swedish rather than spanish? Maybe you think the Jays should try acquiring Auston Meadows for one of their aging stars. It’s also possible were one of those people streaming the Leafs game while at the Rogers Center. In any case, you’re a leafs fan first, but the occasional purchase of a Jays cap of ticket is just enough to keep yourself convinced that you’re still a baseball fan.
The Fun Police
Sam Dyson was DFA’d by the Texas Rangers recently; and if you thought his persona was enough of a reason for the Jays to pick him up, then you’re surely part of this particular group of Jays fans. To be honest, the Jays are probably the wrong team to cheer for if you want boring, but perhaps you like Gregg Zaun enough to cheer for them anyway. The fun police also adore former players like Goose Gossage, and consider Jose Bautista’s bat flip to be disrespectful to the game. If you are part of this group, please get out of my blog.
The West Coast (Or Close To) Fan
Fans from Toronto always seem to forget they exist, but the west coast fan base can be just as important as the base from the GTA. If you don’t believe about these fans passion, just ask the Seattle Mariners about how their current homestand is going. West coast fans also enjoy a west coast road trip, since they finally get to watch a game at a convenient time. These fans are fine to fly under the radar, but hate being left out when discussing the strength of the Jays fanbase.